Have you ever considered journeying to an isolated landscape?
Where the only sounds may be the birds language across white capped waves slowly caressing a sandy shoreline.
Where you lay on a comfortable lounge chair configuring the storyline of a fantastical novel.
Then reality hits you in the head with a thud.
I have worked on the mind’s process of leaving the present and wandering across human-less areas. Watching the people before me but not really listening. Endless boring words that become a verbal intrusive intercourse, criticizing, demeaning or demanding expectations that are intended to give the other person the feeling of control over my life and reminding me of my servitude to them.
The probability of performing as many tricks as these people in authority want in a day is 75% – and they know it. They keep a ledger so that work loads will never be filled and you will always be indebted to them.
I can only recall 3 “thank you’s” in the past 3 years from those in the power positions and they must have very nearly choked on each letter involved with the thank you.
I work as an assistant but the job always includes the ‘extra’s’ that should be under the heading of higher duties but never are and when completed are acknowledged as the accomplishment of those who must be obeyed.
Some of those that demonstrate practical performance within the classroom or work place- those that remind us every day that they have the larger pieces of qualified paper – require their ego’s regularly stroked. Having the need to remind the average assistant that they have the higher intelligence.
There are many days where my inner neuronal connections tap away the message to move facial muscles into a smile but there will be a mixed message across a synapse and instead of a smile the corner of my mouth lifts giving the impression of a “Fuck you” moment.
In fact I must have had quite a few of these mixed messages within my brain over a period of time as I now have bruised teeth – yes this information came from my dentist – from grinding my teeth together.
So now I’m working on discovering the moment of the synapse break and training my visualization techniques from a short meditative state, to see a bowl of trifle in front of me.
One reason being that it tastes rather nice but also to remind myself that there are many layers in a trifle and perhaps the ignorant human in front of me may be placed in one of those layers, appearing more palatable than before.
I have tried the endless vitamins, rescue remedy drops and jellies but even after taking half a bottle of each I still find it nearly impossible to smile with genuine feeling.
But – and there is a large “but”, not the back end one – a significant ‘but’ that involves genuine people who appreciate the time given to them.
As projected in this tale of woe you will have realised that times have been tough for me. Then a significant moment happened last week when a student and I connected.
I have had some hard times in my life and have asked “why me?” But, and here is the but, the moment the young man began his story of the journey he has traveled for the past 6 months I realised why I went through my moments.
I was able to connect on the emotional level of understanding. Of seeing the hidden dragon that was rearing it’s dark head within this young man who was struggling to keep it below the surface and trying to cope without knowing how to.
It was at that moment that all neuronal connections charged and reactive emotions created a smile that flowed from me to him.
Moments like these change my views on useless issues and help me through difficult times.
So when something difficult is presented to you remind yourself there will be someone else who will and can understand.
Don’t get me wrong though, I still do wish for that isolated place where birds talk and the water laps the shoreline.